Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
