He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
