I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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