it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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