Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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