drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Farmville is her only friend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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