I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
