You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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