I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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