i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
