At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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