If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
