i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
