My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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