It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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