Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
