White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
