Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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