all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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