Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
