is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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