I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
