Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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