giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
