I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
