took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
