Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
