i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
