I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
