HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
