i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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