Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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