If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
