You can't special order awesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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