these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
