I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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