My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
