He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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