I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
