It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
