rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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