Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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