This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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