I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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