Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
pop tarts are not kleenex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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