You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
