god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
