I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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