The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
