Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
