We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
